Edward to Edwina
by TearDropLoverRockabop
Summary: So, what happens when Edward feels a bit sleeping and deices to close his eyes? Well, here you have it. A twisted comedy. But is it funny?


Edward to Edwina

A fan fiction by Tear Drop Lover Rockabop

When I went riding around in my car. I had this urge to... sleep. It's odd. Vampires don't sleep. They just... do vampire stuff. But, I stopped at home, anyway. I sat on the coach and it went black. Next thing I knew, I was awake, but my stomach was killing me. I must be delusional, I thought to myself.

I got up from the coach, and a strange new sent stung my nose. I searched for it, but I couldn't find anything. I was the only one. Then, my eyes widened and I ran to the bathroom. The mirror must have been lieing, because I looked like... a woman! My hair was now long. My chest wasn't flat anymore, and my partner was gone. I looked once again, washing my eyes with water, only to see myself in a smaller build.

Then, it hit me. The sent was blood. I was having... a period!

"What the hell is this!?" I screamed out loud. I looked around and spotted Bella's purse. I couldn't help, but try. I dove for it and opened it up. I was a bit amazed by how many things a women would have in her purse. make up mirrors, lipstick, chap stick, a wallet and a strange item. I picked up the slimp, tube-like figure. I unwrapped it and a string hung from the top. I turned it to the side and found a label.

"Kotex...? What is a Kotex?"

The door creaked open and I looked back.

"Um... what are you doing... Edward?" Bella asked quietly. I blinked. Damn, what was I going to do!?

"... N-n-othing." I stuttered. She nodded.

"W-well, alright then... I think I'll just..."

"Good idea..." I said, bobbing my head as she quickly closed the door. I went back to the strange figure. I think I've seen this in Alices purse before, but I wasn't sure. All I knew was that I had to stop this bleeding. So... I did what women do at this time.

After the whole ordeal, I continued to look through Bella's purse. I found a cell phone, and decided to take it. I broke my yesterday, when Emmet wouldn't stop laughing at me for freaking out. Long story.

I slid out of the bathroom and quietly tiptoed down the stairs. When I reached the bottom of the stairs, I found Jasper staring at me. Oh shit!

"E-Edward?" He asked. I looked around for an escape, but there was none.

"Yeah..." I reluctantly answered. Then, the worst sound in the world came to my ears. Emmet's roar of laughter. I sighed.

"Just shut up, Emmet!" I screeched. My voice! No! Not that, too! It just made him laugh even more.

"E-Edward, what happened!?" Esme nearly screamed.

"Oh my god!" Alice screamed. "Now I have another sister!?"

I growled deeply. But, then Emmet fell to the floor and started to pound on it, laughing. He rolled around, never stopping. I felt like crying. Damn these emotions! I heard a throat clear. I looked toward it and found Carlisle.

"Well... Edward... I didn't think you were that type of person."

"W-What!? No! I didn't... just... NO!" I screamed. Who in the world would ever want a sex change!? I mean, come on! Rosalie came through the front door from shoping and dropped her bags.

"E... Edward?"

"God dammit! Yes! It's me!" Then as Emmet's laughter grew even louder, Rosalie decided to join in on their fun. She blurted laughter unknown to anyone, until now.

"Edward, are you done-" Bella started to say, but stopped as soon as she looked at Rosalie. Damn...

Then, before she could say anymore, I was taken to the ground by the worst pain. I clenched my stomach and squealed. Everyone-- Emmet... well, he laughed-- came to my side.

"Are you alright, Edward!?" Bella screeched.

"Pain... side... ow..."

"Do you-"

I nodded.

"Can vampires.. even have those?" She asked. "Much less, men!"

Then, Emmet's laugh became frighteningly loud.

"He seems to have had..." Carlslie started to say.

"I told you that I didn't have a damn sex change!" I yelled.

"Edwina, you have your period!" Rosalie yelled.

"My name is Edward, you idiot!"

"Hey, hey! Calm down you two!" Esme and her mother-like tone ordered.

I grunted and looked away from Rose.

"Now, what we need to do is..." Carlisle started, but then laughed, too.

"Not you, too!" I moaned.

He cleared his throat, straitened up, and began again. "We will have to find out... how to change... Edward..." All he did, was giggle through every few word he said. I balled my hands up into fists and closed my eyes to think.

I opened my eyes and everyone was gone.

"Oh my god!" I yelled, jumping up. "Is this the Twilight Zone?"

"Yes." Rod Sterling answered.

"What the..." Alright, I've went crazy now!

Rod comes running up to me and shakes my hand. "Nice to meet you, Mr. Edward Cullen! I'm a HUGE FAN!"

I blinked. He blinked, too.

"I'm going to eat you."

"Ah!"

"What is wrong with you!?" And I ran away.

When I opened my eyes a second time, Bella was in front of me.

"Bella!" I yelled and wrapped my arms around her.

"Edward..."

"Yes?"

"I have to break up with you."

"W-why?"

"I'm not gay."

"I'm not a woman! It's just a phase!" But before she said anything more, she disappeared.

This time, my final attempt to win over this weird fantasy, I opened my eyes. Threre I was, on the coach. I jumped up and ran to the bathroom and looked into the mirror.

"Yes! I'm a man, BABY!"

"Yeah... you are, Edward." Bella giggled. I turned around and hugged her.

"You don't have to be gay anymore!"

"G-gay?"

"... Long story."

"I see..."


End file.
